An update....

I've not been around for awhile because my dear mother passed away March 4 Tuesday. She was 89 years young.

Normally I go alone on Mondays to see her and take her to any appointments, shopping or just for a nice long drive. Sometimes we'll even get ourselves a treat and head to the waterfront to enjoy the view and talk about things other than moms usual talk of hard work, money and how much she missed dad ( passed away in '97 ).
On this particular Monday our son had a day off of school, so he had to come along with me and was I ever glad he did. He got to see his Nana one last time. Little did I know that would be my last time to see my mom.
We didn't see her until Wednesday and I usually call her every day except Tuesday. My mom passed sometime early Tues. morning --in her sleep ( which she had always hopes would happen ). Of course it was a shock as she really did look asleep.

Well it's been over a month and now the house is for sale. I am my parents only child and have taken on the packing of the house, settling any bills, and just about everything else on my own. My dear mother wrote down everything I would have to do when she passed ( a lesson she learned after dads passing ). My husband has been a pillar of strength, I am blessed to have him.
The packing has been a great balm for my soul. Their home was also my childhood home, and every corner I turned would greet me with memories. Now that nearly everything has been taken down, aired out, packed away, and the house has had incense burning, my heart no longer feels so horribly heavy. Of course I will still mourn for awhile longer and especially while the house is on the market. It is still 'weird' knowing the house will soon belong to other people BUT --I feel happiness for the newcomers and have prayed the house will enjoy many more years and a new rebirth if you will. I may have to avoid driving around that area for awhile though.

My dear parents have worked so, so hard all their lives, my mom especially so. They went through WW2 and saw things I pray we never ever see. They moved from England to Canada in the mid-50's and soon managed an auto court called The Sans Sebastion on the Gorge in Victoria B.C. When my dad began working at the Empress Hotel, they were able to afford a little home on the waterfront in Sidney B.C. on Coal Point Lane. In 1967 I was born and 3 days later adopted by them, my parents were only a couple years away from their 50's.
In 1968 they moved to their permanent home closer to Victoria B.C. which made it much easier for my dad to get to work.

Life was good and the area was still quite quiet. There used to be a giant compost box in the backyard and 12 trees, some cherry, one I climbed when I was 4 ( freaking my mom out quite badly too ). Over the years most of those trees came down and now most of the backyard is cement --because only my mom was the gardener and she got fed up with all the mowing ( I reluctantly helped but their gas mower always made me ill from the fumes YUK ! ). The compost disappeared shortly after moving in, guess mom and dad didn't like the rats.
So now there remains just 3 trees and it's no longer quiet. The house is right across from a major private school and there's constant traffic. It quietens down in the evening thankfully, which makes it more enjoyable when sitting on their deck and relaxing with the view of the hills and city.

Anyway, I'm getting all sentimental again ! A new chapter has begun and we hope to soon be looking for a 'new' home of our own. It's time to move on, mom and dads spirits have been around me and I have to believe that they are keeping an eye on me ( I've been struggling the last couple of years with my belief in God ).

The strength of my husband, son and friends have kept me lifted along with my own strength and desire to keep carrying on.

It's important to keep seeing the beauty in life, in not just the big but the small as well. My mom had a hard life ( the eldest of 11 children ) yet she had such an inner strength and could still see that beauty. She would even save the tiniest of bugs ( from her I learned to love bumble bees and lady bugs ).

Well I must sign off until next time. Although there is strength, my soul has been very weary since her passing. We're having a garage sale at the house this weekend and it's quite exciting, but I'll also be glad when it's done with. When the house sells I may treat myself to a mini-vacation, just go somewhere nearby, perhaps a quiet hotel near a beach. My face feels horrible, my eyes are soo tired, so maybe a refreshing facial --something I rarely give myself. And a darn good haircut too lol !

It may be a few days or weeks before I get back here, so until then, take care of yourselves and please say "I love you" more often.


jthom03 / Jan Thomason / thomranch@hctc.net said...

I have read your blog for a long time but this is the first time i have felt i wanted to leave a comment - i think i would be called a "lurker" - hahaha.

your post on your mom's passing really touched my heart (you should read my most recent post on my blog - funny how they tie in together to some point - www.polkadotbarn.blogspot.com -
anyhoo, i can feel the pain you're going through, the loneliness you feel with her absence.
Bless your heart.

And you mentioned that you have been struggling with God.
Because of that struggle AND because of the death of your mom I would encourage you to buy and read The Shack by Young.
I am just finishing it and I think you would like it and that it might answer some of your questions.
It's a novel but reads as if it was real. I have not been able to put it down!


Andrea Nicole said...

Tracy, I have been MIA for a few months now as well and am just now coming back to everything *sighs* Alot of drama and not so good things regarding people from my past, but anywho... I am really sorry to hear about your mother's passing :( I wish I would have been around or known sooner so Im not so delayed in sending my condolences. Know that I am thinking of ya!

my warmest wishes,
(my blog addy changed)